Archive for the ‘Humor’ category

Cartoons of the day

December 5, 2015

H/t Power Line

PC-Shooting-copy
Obama-Prearl-harvor
Terror-attack

Cartoon of the day

December 3, 2015

H/t The Jewish Press

oppression

Cartoon of the day

November 30, 2015

H/t Cry and Howl

 

gw-summit-600-li

Humor | Trump Revealed To Be Vladimir Putin In Hilarious Wig

November 30, 2015

Trump Revealed To Be Vladimir Putin In Hilarious Wig, Duffel Blog, November 30, 2015

Putin on wigPutin on the wig. (Photo courtesy of Ratrace)

WASHINGTON—Presidential candidate and military prep school veteran Donald Trump was revealed this morning to actually be Russian President Vladimir Putin wearing an outlandish hairpiece. The revelation came after weeks of investigation by the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the State Department.

“We really can’t comment at this time,” said FBI spokeswoman Michael P. Kortan, “except to say that Trump is definitely Prime Minister Putin. This is strictly off the record, but you can quote me on that. And this investigation has nothing to do with the fact that in most polls, Trump would handily win over any Democrat opponent. The FBI is not at all a political organization.”

Kortan then added that she would take any questions about the investigation into the Tea Party.

Investigators and watchdog groups were first alerted to the Trump/Putin impersonation when it was pointed out that the two were never seen in pubic together.

“The failure of two arrogant loudmouth braggarts to ever appear in the same place, at the same time, spoke volumes by itself,” according to Chris Farrell, Director of Investigations at Judicial Watch. “From there, it was just a matter of putting together the pieces.”

“In retrospect it makes so much sense that I’m surprised we didn’t realize sooner,” said Diplomatic Security Special Agent Derek McDaniel. “Who would claim that a couple years in a paramilitary reform school is the same as being a combat veteran, other than the same colossal ego that justifies the forcible annexation of huge swaths of Georgia and Ukraine by claiming that it’s merely ‘protecting ethnic Russians’?”

Suspicions were reinforced, McDaniel added, when investigators noticed that both Putin and Trump have been romantically involved with a long series of “models” that are essentially extremely high-end prostitutes.

In light of revelation, the Federal Election Commission has rescinded its approval of Trump’s campaign announcement paperwork, declaring him ineligible to seek election to the American Presidency. Putin/Trump, in spite of this, insisted that he will continue to campaign.

“The FEC is a buncha yuuuuge loosahs,” said Trump/Putin during a press conference from the bow of a yacht named Trump’s Pride, which is currently docked in the swimming pool of a larger yacht named Trump’s Talent. “I bet they’re all a buncha broads with tiny boobs. Maybe they need a little roughing up. They got no class. I’m not gonna stop campaigning. To the White House, comrades! Boosh moi, I mean, uh, God Bless America!”

 

CAUTION – includes satire |Diversity training will bring peace through submission, Insha’Obama

November 29, 2015

Diversity training will bring peace through submission, Insha’Obama, Dan Miller’s Blog, November 28, 2015

(The views expressed in this article may, or may not, be mine. They do not necessarily reflect those of any sane person or entity. — DM)

Our most prestigious universities now require diversity training for everyone coddled by un-Islamic aberrations based on Christian, Jewish, sexist and white privilege. Obama, bravely leading as always from the front, will follow them to combat Islamophobic speech and thought which He recently decreed to be felonies.

During His Thanksgiving address this year, Obama likened the current crop of Syrian and other Islamic refugees to the Pilgrims who came to America many years ago.

This Thanksgiving, President Obama is calling for Americans to lend a helping hand to another group of pilgrims fleeing persecution.

“Nearly four centuries after the Mayflower set sail, the world is still full of pilgrims – men and women who want nothing more than the chance for a safer, better future for themselves and their families,” Obama said in his weekly address Thursday. “What makes America America is that we offer that chance.”

HuffPo

No-who-we-are

Racist-Horse

Note: Although much of the following is true, parts are not. For example, even in Obama’s America Islamophobic thought is not yet a felony and the tale about Sally Snookums related toward the end remains the stuff of fantasy. In Muslim and incipient Muslim countries reality is different, so we need to emulate them. That will be change that we Obama can believe in.

Academia

American fascism

According to an article at The Amerian Interest,

With their campuses rocked by social justice protests, anxious Ivy League presidents are trying to appease campus radicals with huge payouts to left-wing identity programs. Peter Salovey, the president of Yale, apologized to protesters (“we failed you”) and wrote a campus-wide letter promising to create a new “university center” for the study of “race ethnicity, and other aspects of social identity.” He also pledged to double the budget for the African American, Native American, Asian American, and Hispanic cultural centers, and to devote new resources to “educating our community about race, ethnicity, diversity, and inclusion.”

Not to be outdone, Brown University President Christina Paxson has answered protests by unveiling a $100 million program for creating “a just and inclusive campus community.” Among the budget items: “expand mentoring resources for students of color, LGBTQ+ students, and first generation college students”; create “workshops” to “foster greater awareness and sensitivity on issues of race, ethnicity, sexual orientation and gender identity and expression”; and “promote university-wide research and academic programming on Power, Privilege, Identity and Structural Racism.”

The rest of Obama’s America

Since academia is only part of the problem, the wise humanitarian outreach programs undertaken there (with the exception of those to comfort LGBTQ+ students which Muslims consider offensive) must be expanded to reach all problem people and areas. Doing so is Obama’s principal duty as America’s Commander in Chief and Supreme Leader. I have altered the excerpt from the article at The American Interest quoted above to reflect what Obama and His friends would probably try to do if they thought they could get away with it:

With many states rocked by Islamophobia and demands that widows and three year old orphans be banned, President Obama is increasing payouts to such anti-discrimination groups as the Council on American-Islamic Relations, the Muslim Brotherhood and other Muslim-identity programs. Allegedly “radical” mosques such as those shown below will also be given badly needed infusions of Federal funds.

Mosque Interactive

Obama has (again) apologized to Islamists (“we failed you”) and promised to create new state centers for the study of religious ethnicity and other aspects of social identity. He has also pledged to at least double the budgets for Islamic cultural centers, including those at the mosques indicated above, and to devote new resources to educating our community about religious and racial ethnicity, diversity, and inclusion.

He has also unveiled state-wide programs for creating just and inclusive communities.Among the budget items: expand mosques to provide increased mentoring resources for Muslim youth; create diversity workshops with mandatory attendance by all deemed to be on paths to becoming Islamophobic felons, to foster greater awareness and sensitivity on issues of religion, peace, ethnicity and expression; and to promote state-wide research and academic programming on Power, Privilege, Religious Identity and other types of Structural Racism.

These (along with His historic nuke deal with The Islamic State Republic of Iran) will be His most enduring legacies.

There is also hope in Obama’s America for the few refugees who may be neither widows nor three year old orphans.

Others can be adopted. Here are some adorable Syrian refugees:

syrian_refugees_7

Adorable, cuddly Syrian refugees to a good home. Attention liberal millionaires. Do you want your very own gang of Syrian Refugees (TM) to loiter around your home, throw things at you and beat you up?

Here are a whole bunch for you to take home. Yes, I’m looking at you, J.K. Rowling. Or Isaac Herzog. There’s so many that every passionately outraged leftist bigwig can have his own bunch. You just better be ready to cook for them and bring them everything while they throw it in your face.

You’ll notice the shortage of actual women and kids. The media makes a point of focusing on those, but the majority are young men. Just like Obama’s “unaccompanied children” border rush. But those are facts and we don’t need facts. Just outrage and lots of love.

So take them in. Step up for the cause. The Hungarian police will happily ship a dozen angry Syrian refugees to your home. What you do with them or what they do with you, is up to you.

Don’t be shy; there are plenty for everyone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2rmA9A7CEM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0HggGGnX0Y

What could possibly go wrong?

Eurabia is doing very well

Although Germany has health problems, they have nothing to do with Islam.

The influx of more than one million asylum seekers from Africa, Asia and the Middle East is placing unprecedented strain on Germany’s healthcare system.

Hospitals, clinics and emergency rooms across Germany are being filled to capacity with migrants suffering maladies of all kinds, and medical personnel, including thousands of volunteers, are increasingly complaining of burnout.

Diseases are also reappearing that have not been seen in Germany for years. German public health officials are now on the lookout for Crimean Congo hemorrhagic fever, diphtheria, Ebola, hepatitis, HIV/AIDS, malaria, measles, meningitis, mumps, polio, scabies, tetanus, tuberculosis, typhus and whooping cough. As refugee shelters fill to overflowing, doctors are also on high alert for mass outbreaks of influenza and Norovirus. [Emphasis added.]

Compounding the challenge, tens of thousands of migrants arriving in Germany — particularly migrant children — have not been immunized, and German doctors are finding that needed vaccines are not readily available due to a lack of supply. Some German parents are panicking that there are not enough vaccines to immunize their own children.

. . . .

German hospitals are also being forced to hire a virtual army of interpreters so that doctors can communicate with asylum seekers, who speak dozens of languages, dialects and variants.

At the same time, German hospitals are increasing security to protect doctors and nurses from violent attacks by migrants who are unhappy with the medical treatment they are receiving.

Sweeden, also a haven of happiness for Muslim refugees, has the right idea. Sadly, some object. The Public Service Director of Sweeden’s public television has responded to their Islamophobic nastiness:

The Public Service director, Safa Safiyari, who recently introduced Dirawi to a large press gathering, came to Sweden at the age of 14. In newspaper articles, he has spoken about how he does not feel “fancy” enough for the Swedish archipelago; and how, in 2001, when he got to do current affairs shows for young people about “all the injustices in Sweden,” it felt as if it were revenge for all the injustices he said he has experienced in Sweden and that still characterize his life.

The announcement that a person such as Dirawi, who professes to be of the Islamic faith and who according to Islamic scholars must believe that the celebration of the birth of Christ is a heathen tradition, will be Christmas Host, sparked widespread expressions of anger and disappointment on social media. Comments were posted on Twitter, such as: “Public Television has declared war on Christian Sweden by choosing Muslim Gina Dirawi as Christmas Host! It is shameful!” And, “If things continue down this road, by next Christmas, Christmas ham will be banned.”

Safa Safiyari told the daily Göteborgs-Posten, that Swedish Public Television had been prepared for all kinds of reactions: “We have chosen Gina Dirawi as Christmas Host based on her competence, her comedic talents and experience in large television broadcasts. When we hire our Christmas Hosts, religious belief is not something we inquire about.” [Emphasis added.]

In order to take full advantage of the great opportunities coming to our shores, we need to help Islamophobes by jailing and reeducating them to make them understand that Islam is the true religion of peace; all others just pretend to be and are therefore fake.

Progress is already being made

In Obama’s America, Yes We Can and We Can’t Wait! Here’s just one small but hopeful example of what we have already done and will do again: a young Islamophobe named Sally Snookums was successfully reeducated and learned to apologize for her Islamophobic expressions of displeasure at having been raped by a Muslim. Here are pictures of Sally before and after her reeducation:

Before

Before

After

After

Just as Sally has been cured of Islamophobia and no longer goes about demanding to be raped, there is hope for all who wish to be true feminists. Don’t forget: Muslims are kind and generous, asking nothing for themselves. They only want to guide and help us to reclaim and restore the best of what has sadly become a decadent civilization.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdHg9TADZyA

The future of Obama’s America is bright

Once Obama’s sacred mission has been accomplished, there will be no more talk of “Islamic invasions” and “riots.” We are completely safe and have nothing to fear but fear itself and the Islamophobic FBI.

The FBI has roughly 1,000 active Islamic State probes inside the U.S. and new reports have revealed that at least 48 of those suspects are considered so high-risk that the bureau has deployed elite surveillance teams to track them.

The squads, known as mobile surveillance teams or MST are following the men and women, who are believed to be radicalized, 24 hours a day in case they plan to commit any acts of terrorism, Fox News reported.

With the help of the Organization of Islamic Cooperation — “whose founding charter seeks to propagate ‘legitimate jihad’ and ‘the norms of Islamic Shari’ah,'” our vetting process will prove to be just as successful and unnecessary as it has been in Europe; all peaceful Muslim widows, their three year old orphans and everyone else will be greeted, not spurned.

Conclusions

Since in Obama’s America the security threats posed by Islamophobia are also well on their way to resolution, we will soon succeed in our quest for the happiness of Eurabia. What a blessing it will be!

Nevertheless, much still remains for Obama’s America to accomplish. We must continue to devote our undivided attention to the perils of climate change — what a powerful rebuke that will be to such perpetrators of senseless, random workplace violence as the Non Islamic State!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1izwU0DYpg

We must also continue our putsch push for common sense gun control, while focusing on women’s health as required by Sharia Law and the Holy Quran upon which it is divinely based. Then, and only then, can we be truly proud of our country.

Finally, here is Grandpa Jones’ well deserved tribute to Obama:

Cartoon of the day

November 27, 2015

H/t Dry Bones

D15B26_1

Op-Ed: Islamist-Zombies have snatched the brains of Western leaders

November 25, 2015

Op-Ed: Islamist-Zombies have snatched the brains of Western leaders, Israel National News, Mark Langfan, November 24, 2015

Looking at what is going on in the world, one gets the eerie feeling that we are living an ugly genetic-cross between a Zombie Horror flic and a Body-Snatched horror-sci-fi film.  Muslim Islamist-Zombies are murdering non-Muslims and Muslims as if they are in a zombie trance.  And, President Obama and Secretary of State Kerry act as though Muslims murdering the Charlie Hebdo cartoonists, Jews, and pretty much everybody else really isn’t a big deal, and actually has a “rationale.” 

It seems the Islamist-Zombies are not just “at the gates,” but that a brain-snatched President Obama is purposefully holding the gates open so they can flood in. We are living through an actual horror movie from hell from which there is no waking up, and from which we cannot escape.

First, why call these Islamist-murderers “terrorists.”  Even with terrorists in movies there is some negotiation.  These monsters are not out for negotiation, they are out to rampage, to maraud, and to bath themselves in others’ blood.  Ask yourself a simple question: Watching the frenzied Islamist-murderers stab Israelis and spew bullets into a crowded French concert halls and cafes, are these murderers like the calculating terrorists of movies like Die-Hard or are these rampaging crazies like the zombies from movies like Night of the Living Dead?  The answer is self-evident.

For seven years, Obama has so pandered to these Muslims and validated their ideals that he has whetted their appetite for more blood.  Obama’s actions have insured that would-be Islamist-Zombies are falling over themselves to kill more people. They are frenzied Zombies that are out to murder and murder and murder until there’s no one left.

Watching Obama talk. it looks as though he is telling us that we’re crazy for making a big deal out of these blood-thirsty killers.  For one thing, Obama and Kerry and all the other brain-snatched Obama-Regime officials in a trance-like comatose tone exhort us to believe this has nothing to do with Islam or the Muslim religion.  They don’t stop trying to get us to believe that somehow, by our publically admitting that these Islamist-Zombies are Muslims we are “insulting all Muslims.”  Obama is telling normal law-abiding people who are afraid of them that normal people are the actual bad guys and racists.  It’s not just an Avengers’ movie in which President Obama has been brain-snatched and sees good as evil, and evil as good.  It is a movie where the lunatics have the keys to the asylum, letting the crazies go so they can murder people, and imprisoning the sane people who should be protected.

To make matters worse, Obama drones on and on and tries to brain-snatch the sane world to believe that “Islam is a religion of peace.”  Did Mohammad preach “turn the other cheek”? or did Islam scorn forcibly converting people like Judaism does?  No, in fact Mohammad in his own day did exactly what the Islamic State is doing now, he went on Holy Wars of rampage to take over land and convert people to his religion.

Islamic State and Islamist Zombies who are shedding torrents of blood are actually a modern-day incarnation of exactly what Mohammad did to the world, and exactly what the Muslim religion proscribes. Islamic State is following in the very footsteps of Mohammad.  How can they not be “Muslims” if they are doing  precisely what the historical Mohammad did to others?  Yet, Obama and Kerry tell us the Islamist-Zombies and Islamic State have nothing to do with the Mohammad’s Muslim religion.  And they have the keys to the asylum.

We have to stop calling Obama “incompetent” and “naïve”!  Obama is neither incompetent nor naïve; he’s diabolical.   Obama knows that and is trying to intellectually twist right into wrong and wrong into right.  He is knowingly attacking the common sense necessity of stopping the flood of Muslim-Zombified mass-murderers into this country, and morphing it into a racist xenophobia.

We have to start describing things as they are.  The Islamists are practicing true Islam as Mohammad preached and practiced it.  The modern-day version of Islam has turned into a zombie producing death cult religion.  And, President Obama is a highly intelligent person who is protecting the Islamist zombies at all costs and must be exposed and criticized non-stop.  Otherwise, there will come a point where the brain-snatched politicians of this country are the majority of this country.  And then, there will be nowhere to hide.

Satire | White House Cancels Turkey Pardon After Russian Fighter Incident

November 25, 2015

White House Cancels Turkey Pardon After Russian Fighter Incident, Duffel Blog, November 25, 2015

Sukhoi_turkey-1000x600Turkey photo: “Bourbob red turkey Tom-r2” by Mtshad – Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Commons. Su-24

WASHINGTON — White House Spokesman Josh Earnest quietly announced this morning that President Obama would cancel Wednesday’s traditional “Turkey Pardon,” a presidential staple since the Kennedy administration, citing protests and complaints by Russian President Vladimir Putin. The complaints follow Monday’s downing of a Russian fighter by Turkish forces.

“The Sov—er, Russians were a little concerned at how pardoning a turkey might look, after the unfortunate misunderstanding between an Su-24 Fighter-bomber and a Turkish AIM-9 Sidewinder a few days ago,” Earnest said.

The State Department said initial reports indicated the downing was the fault of “a turkey, you know — the bird,” as Secretary of State John Kerry told reporters. “It was apparently sucked into the intake around 10,000 feet over the Turkish-Syrian border.”

Later, State Department Spokesman John Kirby clarified Kerry’s remarks. Kirby quoted the secretary as saying, “As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”

Sources in Moscow indicate that Putin has used the so-called “hotline” with Obama to privately threaten “to race right through the Fulda Gap all the way to the Channel if you pardon that proklyatiye turkey.”

The Department of Defense has announced what it calls “proactive moves to calm the situation,” including canceling all turkey dinners for Thursday, and the destruction of approximately 425,000 slices of pumpkin pie.

In Brussels, NATO leaders are privately exploring whether or not being exclusively in the Mediterranean “really qualifies a country to join the ‘North Atlantic Treaty Organization’ anyway,” according to a high-level, four star supreme commander with knowledge of the situation who requested anonymity.

 

A handy guide for progressives trying to choose between Russia and Turkey

November 24, 2015

A handy guide for progressives trying to choose between Russia and Turkey, Front Page Magazine, Daniel Greenfield, November 24, 2015

putin-erdogan-car-sultan-670

Hello progressives,

This morning you’re probably wondering why there’s something about Turkey shooting down a Russian plane in the news. Why is this story taking up valuable space in your news feed and taking away time from reading about how stupid Donald Trump and Ben Carson are, or how yoga is cultural genocide or how oppressed Yale students are? And didn’t Obama already fix the Syrian Civil War with a hashtag?

You’re probably worrying over which side is the progressive one in the Turkey-Russia spat. So I’ve written this helpful guide just for you.

1. Progressive rating

Russia – Ex-Communist dictatorship run by KGB operatives like Putin and has jails full of political prisoners.

Turkey – Islamist dictatorship run by “moderate” Islamists like Erdogan with jails full of political prisoners.

So both Russia and Turkey are both pretty progressive. But since Islam is now officially at the top of the victim list, Turkey is more progressive.

2. Gay rights

Putin – Anti-Gay

Erdogan – “Their biggest ally is Doğan Media. The Armenian lobby, homosexuals” – Anti-Gay and Anti-Armenian

Split decision?

3. Socialist

Erdogan – “Let’s earn a little less than you currently do. Share your wealth with the low-income group.”

Putin – “Income inequality is unacceptable, outrageous.”

Can’t we get Bernie Sanders to replace them both?

4. Abortion

Erdogan – Abortion is murder and a plot against Turkey

Putin – Abortion is murder and a plot against Russia

5. Islam

Putin – “Some scholars of (Eastern) Christianity say it is much closer to Islam”

Erdogan – “The mosques are our barracks, the domes our helmets, the minarets our bayonets and the faithful our soldiers”

6. Racism

Erdogan – “Kilicdaroglu is striving every bit he can to raise himself from the level of a black person to the level of a white man.”

Putin – “What?”

7. The Kardashians

Putin – In favor

Erdogan – “In my country there are 170,000 Armenians. Seventy thousand of them are citizens. We tolerate 100,000 more. So, what am I going to do tomorrow? If necessary I will tell the 100,000: OK, time to go back to your country.”

There you have it. Now you can decide which side to cheer for and which side to hate based on all the compelling issues that progressives care about.

Cartoon of the day

November 24, 2015

H/t The Jewish Press

Equal-rights

asf