Posted tagged ‘Humor’

Cartoons and Video of the Day

January 6, 2018

Via LatmaTV

 

H/t Power Line

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cartoons and Video of the Day

December 31, 2017

Via LatmaTV

 

 

H/t Power Line

The USS Al Gore?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Humor? | My Predictions for 2018

December 29, 2017

My Predictions for 2018, PJ MediaAndrew Klavan, December 29, 2017

Harvey Weinstein

It’s time for me to peer through the veil of the future into the face of tomorrow in order to describe the features of the New Year. Here are some events that are approximately 97 percent likely to happen in 2018.

The Super Bowl will be played between the New England Patriots and some other team. Approximately 76 people will attend the game, but the audience will be boosted by the hundreds who tune in for its live broadcast on Spike TV. The halftime show will feature Chelsea Handler singing her new hit, “Screw You, America, And Your Stinking Flag Too,” and will include a massive dance number representing the United States Army’s oppression of indigenous peoples around the world. After the Patriots win, NFL executives will hold a meeting to discuss the mysterious decline in their ratings. They will conclude they need more outreach to transgender people.

CNN will break an exclusive story detailing how President Trump personally funneled top-secret defense information to Russian ambassador Anatoly Antonov in exchange for a permit to open a new Trump resort in Moscow. Several hours later, CNN will issue a clarification stating it was not President Trump but his personal friend Melvin Hankey and it was not defense information but a bottle of wine and it was not the Russian ambassador but some girl named Lily Bernstein and it was not in exchange for a building permit in Moscow but in exchange for twenty dollars and that Hankey never met Trump but works in a liquor store Trump sometimes used to walk past. A day later, CNN will issue a clarification stating that Trump never walked past the liquor store.

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will hold its annual Academy Awards ceremony at which every presenter will be played by Christopher Plummer. The star-studded event will be held at the San Pedro Elks Lodge, the only available venue large enough to handle the audience of 54 people without leaving a lot of empty seats. The audience, however, will be boosted by the hundreds of out-of-work NFL executives watching the simultaneous telecast on the Golf Channel. Ultimately Mr. Plummer will deliver the Best Picture honors to the independent production Loving Me, Loving Ewe, which the New York Times will describe as “an important look at society’s oppression of African-American lesbians forced to transition to manhood in order to consummate their relationships with farm animals.” After the event, Academy executives will meet to discuss the mysterious decline in the show’s ratings. They’ll conclude they need more outreach to out-of-work NFL executives.

The New York Times, a former newspaper, will run an issue in which the headline to every story is Donald Trump’s name with an obscenity next to it. Times editor Blithering Prevarication III will later give a press conference admitting that the paper may have strayed somewhat from its traditional standards of objective reporting. He’ll then begin repeatedly muttering Donald Trump’s name interspersed with obscenities and will finally burst into tears, sobbing, “God help me, I love him!”

Former Arizona Senator Jeff Flake will make a dramatic run for elective office, promising to solve Flagstaff’s stray dog problem once and for all. He’ll be defeated by a local businessman running on the slogan, “Make Flagstaff’s Dog Pounds Great Again.”

After a judge sentences him to 39 hours of community service, Harvey Weinstein will be forced to take a job leading a workshop on sexual harassment in Hollywood. Calling a particularly attractive actress to the front of the room, Weinstein will demonstrate what men should never do on set by placing his hands on the actress’s breasts, buttocks and groin. The two will marry shortly thereafter

Working in a secret lab in the White House basement, Donald Trump will develop a cure for cancer while directing military operations that wipe out radical Islam during the greatest economic boom in American history. In reaction, National Review will run a cover story entitled, “Yes, But Is He Really an Intellectual?”

I’ll return at the end of the year to discuss how everyone else got their predictions so wrong.

Cartoons and Video of the Day

December 16, 2017

LatmaTV via YouTube

 

H/t Power Line

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Humor | Turkey pardoned by Trump had multiple contacts with Russian officials

November 22, 2017

Turkey pardoned by Trump had multiple contacts with Russian officials, Duffel Blog, November 22, 2017

(Please see also, Special Counsel Mueller Probing Kushner’s Role in Blocking Obama’s Betrayal of Israel at UNSC. I initially thought it might be satire but concluded that it wasn’t.– DM)

WASHINGTON — The turkey pardoned by President Donald Trump has had multiple contacts with Russian officials over the past year, Duffel Blog has learned.

Grav E. Gobbles, a 4-year-old bird from western Minnesota, received a pardon Tuesday during a ceremony in the Rose Garden. But how Gobbles was able to secure a presidential pardon has come under scrutiny, sources say.

According to sources, Gobbles met privately on multiple occasions with Russian officials over the past year, leading some to allege a pumpkin pie-to-play scheme. In one instance, for example, Gobbles spoke with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak, though the details of what was discussed are still unknown.

“First, I’m never going to do that,” Kislyak told reporters when asked for details of the meeting. “But I can tell you, without any reservation, our conversation was totally gravy.”

Gobbles also reportedly met with Trump’s former national security adviser Michael Flynn, according to sources, in a campaign on his own behalf. At that meeting, Gobbles reportedly schemed with Flynn to kidnap a fellow turkey from his home, before stuffing him into a waiting van headed to The White House.

“You can say it was a recipe for deliciousness,” the source said.

The revelation comes just days after Attorney General Jeff Sessions was grilled on Capitol Hill over his own recollections of meetings with Russian officials during the presidential campaign.

Special counsel Robert Mueller is already aware of the allegations against Gobbles, and sources say he is expected to roast him in the coming days

Humor | ISIS threatens to behead Bugs Bunny if demands not met

November 21, 2017

ISIS threatens to behead Bugs Bunny if demands not met, Duffel Blog, November 21, 2017

DAMASCUS, Syria — The mystery of Bugs Bunny’s recent disappearance took a troubling turn after ISIS claimed to have taken him hostage, sources confirmed today.

The kidnapping of the iconic Hollywood star comes as a major victory for the so-called Islamic State, as Bunny is the most high-profile American to fall into their hands.

“Taking Bugs Bunny hostage is a victory for ISIS that will send shockwaves around the world,” said Bill Testier, a senior defense analyst at the Pentagon. “It’s even worse than the time they painted a fake tunnel entrance on the side of a cliff, resulting in eight American casualties.”

Bunny had been in Syria for the last two weeks shooting scenes for an upcoming film. When he didn’t show up to the set on time earlier this week, producers initially expressed little concern, thinking he might have had too much Acme-brand scotch the night before.

When they went to his room to wake him, he was nowhere to be found, and his room bore signs of a struggle, prompting a search.

Americans’ worst fears were realized after ISIS released a video showing a captive Bugs Bunny being held at gunpoint. An ISIS spokesman declared they would “hold him up by his dopey ears and slice right through his skinny rabbit neck” if the group’s demands were not met.

“The world will not tah-wah-wate that wascally wabbit being harmed,” said Elmer Fudd, a fellow actor who was filming alongside Bunny. “Those Iswamic wadicals are going to we-gwet this.”

“Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh,” added Fudd.

ISIS has vowed to release Bunny only after the United States immediately withdraws all American troops from the Middle East, renounces Israel’s statehood, and ships them a lifetime supply of goat lube.

“There’s n-n-n-no way the U.S. w-will m-m-meet those d-d-d-d-d-demands,” said Porky Pig, a close associate of Bunny. “B-Bugs is f-f-f-fucked.”

Cartoons and Video of the Day

November 4, 2017

Via LatmaTV

 

H/t Power Line

 

 

 

H/t TownHall cartoons

 

H/t Vermont Loon Watch