Via LATMA-TV
H/t Power Line
Archive for the ‘Humor’ category
Cartoons and Video of the Day
December 10, 2016Cartoons of the Day
December 7, 2016
Cartoons of the Day
December 6, 2016via New York Times
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Cartoons of the Day
December 3, 2016
Humor | Military frantically Googling where Defense Secretary is in presidential order of succession
December 2, 2016Military frantically Googling where Defense Secretary is in presidential order of succession, Duffel Blog, Paul Sharpe, December 2, 2016
WASHINGTON — Millions of members of the U.S. military are frantically Googling where the Secretary of Defense sits in the line of succession to President of the United States, sources confirmed today.
The more than two million Google searches for terms such as “where is SecDef in succession order” and “can SecDef be promoted to president” came just hours after it was learned that retired Marine Gen. James Mattis would be named to lead the Department of Defense.
Mattis, 66, has been tapped by President-elect Donald Trump to head the department, which has been plagued by low morale and expensive cluster-fuck weapons systems, such as the F-35. He’s expected to easily boost morale, but attempting to fix DoD bureaucracy may be beyond even Mattis’ abilities.
When asked how Pentagon procurement could be fixed, for example, even God declined to answer. Instead, the Almighty referred all further questions to Lockheed Martin, Boeing, and General Dynamics.
If confirmed, Mattis would need to simultaneously take out the Treasury Secretary, Secretary of State, President pro tempore of the Senate, the Speaker of the House, the Vice President, and the President, in order to assume the highest office in the land.
According to sources, he already has a plan to do just that, which he wrote in 2003. He later stashed the plan in the drawer of his nightstand, on which his concubine places a breakfast shake mix of Jack Daniels and Creatine each morning. A person familiar with the plan said that Mattis mostly uses his bare hands, though he often carries multiple guns, knives, and sharp sticks on his person.
Experts say that Mattis dropping six people who have no military training would be a “walk in the park,” compared to his usual average of 12 kills per day. They went on to say that Mattis exterminating a bunch of tubby civilians would be roughly equivalent to him taking a bath or making toast, in terms of difficulty.
Survivors of Mattis’ wrath are expected to write about what he does to Washington, D.C. for the next 10,000 years.
Cartoons of the Day
November 28, 2016
Jason Kenney mocks Trudeau with eulogy for “Korean icon Kim Il-Sung”
November 27, 2016Jason Kenney mocks Trudeau with eulogy for “Korean icon Kim Il-Sung” CIJ News, November 27, 2016
Justin Trudeau’s controversial eulogy for the late Cuban President Fidel Castro continues to draw criticism in Canada and the US.
Jason Kenney, former federal minster of Defence, Immigration and Multiculturalism who runs for the leadership of the Progressive Conservative Association of Alberta, mocked Trudeau with an eulogy for “Korean icon Kim Il-Sung”:
“We mourn the death of Korean icon Kim Il-Sung, who continues to serve the Korean people as Eternal President of the DPRK.”
Others offered alternative eulogies for Castro and other notorious tyrants throughout history #trudeaueulogies:
“Mr. Castro inspired generations of innovative boat makers.”- gnorwreven @tlynnleggie
“Bin Laden was charismatic leader who helped revolutionize airport security in his lifetime.” – Liars Never Win @liars_never_win
“Bin Laden was a wonderful demolition expert. A true aviation and building savant. He’ll be missed but never forgotten.” – Gad Saad @GadSaad
“It is with a heavy heart that we mourn the passing of Saddam Hussein. His advancements in chemical research live on.” – Mikhail Menuck @MischaMenuck
“As you know Mr. Hitler‘s life has come to an end, he was known as a dog lover and a strong supporter of his race” – Alberta View🌎👀 @Uwork4It
“Today we mourn painter and animal rights activist, Adolf Hitler. His death also highlights the need for suicide awareness” – Curtis @FowlCanuck
“It’s with a heavy heart that I learn Stalin passed, only he was able to acheive full employment for his people” – Alberta View🌎👀 @Uwork4It
“Mr. Stalin‘s greatest achievement was his eradication of obesity in the Ukraine through innovative agricultural reforms.” – Melissa Lantsman @MelissaLantsman
“Today we mourn the passing of Joseph Stalin, a man who greatly raised the GDP for Soviet citizens…” – Gaulois @Le_Gaul
“my condolences to the family of Joseph Stalin. Through controversial, his policies in agriculture & industrialization….” – Mikhail Menuck @MischaMenuck
“Today we say goodbye to Mr. Mussolini, the former Italian prime minister best known for his competent train-management.” – J.J. McCullough @JJ_McCullough
“Let us acknowledge Mr Pol Pot‘s achievements in reducing overpopulation and building global sustainability” – Mikhail Menuck @MischaMenuck
“While a controversial figure, even detractors recognize Pol Pot encouraged renewed contact between city and countryside.” – Andrew Coyne @acoyne
“We’re saddened to hear the passing of Pol Pot. We are fondly reminded of his remarkable excavation techniques” – I’m the bubba @Imthebubba
“Let us acknowledge Mr Pol Pot‘s achievements in reducing overpopulation and building global sustainability” – Mikhail Menuck @MischaMenuck
“Though not universally liked by his compatriots, Mr. Ceausescu was a leader in urban design and affordable housing” – Cam Vidler @camvidler
“Today we say farewell to Adi Amin who help so many non African Ugandans immigrate to Canada” – Dan Fraser @FraserFraserdw
“I’m saddened to hear of supreme leader of N Korea Kim Jong-il passing, he fought childhood obesity like no other” – Alberta View🌎👀 @Uwork4It
“Today we remember Pablo Escobar‘s advances in spurring youth interest in pharmacology.” – Chris Magill @cmagill
“We mourn the death of Vlad the Impaler, who spearheaded initiatives which touched the hearts of millions.” – Conservosaurus @conservosaurus
“Today we bid farewell to Genghis Khan, the former Mongolian leader best known for opening new trade routes to China.” – Don MacLeod @DonWMacleod
“Dauntless globetrotter, diversity-lover: Attila the Hun was indefatigably committed to advancing the East-West encounter.” – Rod Dreher @roddreher
“While Emperor Nero was controversial, his dedication to song and writing poetry signaled a Roman artistic renaissance.” – Jason Hickman @jasonhickman
“Today we say goodbye to Caligula former Roman emperor best known for his love of horses” – JSheehan @TuesCheek
“If nothing else can be said for Hannibal Lecter, at least he had great taste in people.” – Prufrock @Kansokusha10
“Though he didn’t shy away from controversy Pharaoh will be remembered for enhancing labor productivity in Egypt.” – Sohrab Ahmari @SohrabAhmari
Diane Forsey @peterdiane01 tweeted an eulogy for Trudeau’s victory in last federal election:
“Today Canada mourns the election of Justin Trudeau. You will be remembered as this countries biggest mistake!”
Humor | Trump drops threat to investigate Clinton, forces her into 10-year-long cyber awareness training
November 27, 2016Trump drops threat to investigate Clinton, forces her into 10-year-long cyber awareness training, Duffel Blog, November 26, 2016
WASHINGTON — After more than two years of investigations into the use of a private email server by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, President-elect Donald Trump and his Republican colleagues have decided to punish her with what critics are describing as “absolute torture.”
Though Trump said on Tuesday that he would drop any further investigation into Clinton’s use of a private email server, the President-elect said that she would instead be forced to endure up to 10 years of cyber awareness training instead.
”Secretary Clinton has proven she does not understand how to properly handle classified material,” Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-S.C.) said. “So she will be required to complete the annual Cyber Awareness training required for all military personnel. She will do so everyday, excluding weekends and holidays, for the next 10 years.”
Many Republicans and other top officials were stunned by the announcement.
”A fate worse than death,” said Republican House Speaker Paul Ryan.
”I wouldn’t wish that shit on my worst enemy,” said retired Marine Gen. James ”Mad Dog” Mattis, who is considered a frontrunner for Defense Secretary. ”I have always believed that the punishment should fit the crime but this, this is almost barbaric.”
”All I have to say is HA!” said Lance Cpl. Conrad Bowman. Bowman is an intelligence analyst with 1st Battalion, 8th Marines.
At press time, Clinton was reportedly asking close aides what difference does it make while mindlessly clicking through a suicide awareness brief.
Cartoons of the Day
November 26, 2016H/t Power Line
H/t Power Line article about Fidel Castro
Fidel’s last cigar
H/t Freedom is Just Another Word
H/t Joop
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artaxes
danmillerinpanama
davidking1530
Peter Hofman
Joseph Wouk
Peter
Louisiana Steve
WarSclerotic 
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