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Satire | ISIS paralyzed after admin Marine mistakenly executes orders to Raqqa

February 4, 2017

ISIS paralyzed after admin Marine mistakenly executes orders to Raqqa, Duffel Blog, February 4, 2017

adminPhoto Credit: US Marines

RAQQA, Syria — The self-proclaimed Islamic State has been reportedly paralyzed by administrative paperwork and bureaucracy after a U.S. Marine administrative clerk was mistakenly sent there, Duffel Blog has learned.

Marine Staff Sgt. Alonso Gray executed a mistaken set of permanent change-of-station orders to Raqqa earlier this month, moving to ISIS’s de facto capital and starting work in their administrative section. Within days of his arrival however, pay errors, late morning reports and “improperly routed routing sheets” have caused the group to crumble from within.

Seemingly unaware that he was working for the global terrorist organization, Gray insisted they submit their DTS vouchers to him at least 90 days prior to going TDY. Commanders then panicked when he told them that their units were “non-mission capable” due to incomplete annual training requirements.

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the former leader of the group, says taking Gray on board was the worst decision he ever made.

“I was supposed to PCS from Mosul to Raqqa before the Iraqi Army attacked, but instead he sent me here,” said Baghdadi, speaking from his cell in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba. “They even lost my fucking household goods shipment.”

Gray also leaked the identities of ISIS members to the world after accidentally uploading a roster containing the personally identifiable information (PII) of the entire organization to his personal Facebook account, sources confirmed.

Even then, the organization continued fighting for some time, Baghdadi said. But many of their best fighters were forced to EAS when their reenlistment paperwork was lost and their defense couldn’t hold.

“Staff Sgt. Gray is a true American hero for single-handedly defeating ISIS,” said Gen. Joseph Dunford, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, “but I’m sure glad he’s not my admin chief.”

Gray could not be reached for comment as he was either “at chow,” “training,” or “on leave until next month” every time anybody tried to contact him.

Categories: Islamic State, Satire, Syrian war, U.S. Marine Corps
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Satire? | Iraq Planning on U.S. Invasion to Establish Democracy

February 3, 2017

Iraq Planning on U.S. Invasion to Establish Democracy, Huffington Post, David Fagin, February 2, 2017

(It may be necessary to mobilize the Cub Scouts to deal with this potential disaster. — DM)

trumpimage

The tension between the two countries came to a head last week when the White House refused to allow U.N. inspectors access to President Trump’s tax returns. A violation of the Geneva convention. England, Australia, France, Germany, Kuwait, Jordan, and Saudi Arabia have all pledged to commit troops to the invasion.

The invasion, dubbed “Operation: American Freedom”, will commence precisely at midnight, March 2nd.

****************************

Reports out of Baghdad confirm that the Iraqi government has given President Trump thirty days to vacate power or be removed by military force.

According to Hamari Humsa, Iraqi Ambassador to the U.N., “The atrocities being committed during President Trump’s ten days in office leave us no choice but to act to protect the sovereignty of the American People and the world at large.”

At a recent press conference, Iraqi President, Fuad Masum, stated, “The world cannot sit idly by and do nothing while a fascist chooses blind aggression towards his own people, as well the peace-loving world. Threatening to invade both Mexico and Australia, which would mean thousands of innocent lives lost, was the last straw. We will act on behalf of the entire civilized world and bring democracy to our friends in America.”

The tension between the two countries came to a head last week when the White House refused to allow U.N. inspectors access to President Trump’s tax returns. A violation of the Geneva convention. England, Australia, France, Germany, Kuwait, Jordan, and Saudi Arabia have all pledged to commit troops to the invasion.

“The stated policy of Iraq is regime change. … However, if President Trump were to meet all the conditions of the United Nations, the conditions that I have described very clearly in terms that everybody can understand, and admit once and for all that his inauguration crowd was smaller than Obama’s, that in itself will signal the regime has changed, and military action can be avoided,” said President Masum.

While many Iraqis believe there should be more talks with America before going to war, a good portion believe it’s the right thing to do, considering the nuclear capability Trump possesses. However, an overwhelming number of Americans support the invasion.

“The guy’s a loose cannon. If he doesn’t like you, he will firebomb your house and throw your family in jail,” said one American who wished to remain anonymous. “No one should live with that kind of fear.”

Some say Iraq’s motivation is solely to get their hands on America’s oil reserves, which they took from Iraq back in 2003.

The invasion, dubbed “Operation: American Freedom”, will commence precisely at midnight, March 2nd.

Categories: Iraq, Satire, Trump's taxes, Trump's vile dictatorship, UN and Trump
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Satire | Grief-stricken Navy mourns the departure of beloved Secretary Ray Mabus

January 28, 2017

Grief-stricken Navy mourns the departure of beloved Secretary Ray Mabus, Duffel Blog, January 28, 2017

mabus-finger-750x430Mabus expresses his deep appreciation for the sailors below him.

THE PENTAGON — In news that has every sailor and Marine in the Department of the Navy literally wailing with inconsolable grief, President Trump recently announced the nomination of a former soldier to be the next Secretary of the Navy, thus officially replacing the “greatest naval hero of the last century,” Ray Mabus.

According to White House sources familiar with the decision, the president chose Philip Bilden, a former U.S. Army intelligence officer, for his myriad talents and abilities, though he lamented having to replace Mabus — a man universally beloved by the Navy and Marine Corps for being “a principled leader who never compromised his position to push his own political or social agendas,” Trump said.

While serving for eight years as the 75th Secretary of the Navy, Mabus was held in the highest regard by the sailors and Marines he led.

Such near hero-worship was due to his wildly popular orders like gender-neutralizing the Navy’s rank and ratings system, naming warships after progressive social justice icons, forcing the integration of women into combat roles and onto submarines despite idiotic “concerns” from admirals and generals who had only 35 or 40 years of experience, and also trying to fuel every ship and aircraft in the fleet with patchouli oil.

Mabus was also highly respected by sailors for having himself served as a young man in the Navy for approximately seven minutes, during which time it most assumed he had developed a deep and abiding respect for the Navy as a service and institution.

Following his departure from the Pentagon last week, the Navy acknowledged Mabus’ service in an official announcement:

“While Secretary Mabus was famous for being the longest serving secretary since World War I, what most people don’t know is that he also holds the honor of being one of the two most beloved ‘SECNAVs’ in history,” a statement read.

“He was loved just as much as Secretary John Long, who boasted of being ‘a civilian who doesn’t know the stem from the stern of a ship,’ and was also the brilliant strategist who sent the USS Maine to Havana on a critically important public relations mission, where it was promptly blown-up, killing 266 sailors, thus giving us the opportunity to wage the Spanish American War. Yes, we loved Secretary Mabus as much as him.”

When asked to comment on the prospect of the U.S. Navy being led by a former Army reservist turned private equity manager, most reflected on their love of Fightin’ Ray.

“Look, I don’t know nothin’ about some soldier managing anyone’s privates, but what I do know is that Mabus was a hero who loved sailors,” said Boatswain’s Mate Third Class Harlan “Ox” Jones, who praised Mabus’ 2016 decision to remove ‘man’ from Navy rates.

“Finally someone willing to stand up to the Goddamn patriarchy that has been destroying the Navy. Toxic masculinity never won a war idiots!”

At press time, the Navy released its final “farewell and following seas” message for Mabus:

“Mr. Secretary, you now join the august pantheon of military heroes upon whose shoulders rest the accomplishments of our Republic. We shall remember your legacy right along with Benedict Arnold, George Armstrong Custer, Bowe Bergdahl, Chelsea Manning, Captain Queeg, John Walker, Marcus Aurelius Arnheiter, and the double agent Kevin Costner played in No Way Out.”

 

Categories: Ray Mabus, Satire, Secretary of the Navy, Trump and US Military
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SATIRE | Obama Blames Russia For Exposing Anti-Israel Move

December 31, 2016

Obama Blames Russia For Exposing Anti-Israel Move, Arizona Conservative, John Semmens, December 31, 2016

With a rash of news stories popping up contradicting the Obama Administration’s denial that the recent UN vote against Israeli settlements was, in fact, organized and led by Administration officials, President Obama charged the Russians with “once again exposing communications that were intended to remain private.”

One of these “private communications” entailed Secretary of State John Kerry’s meeting with senior Palestinian diplomat Saeb Erekat to coordinate strategy for advancing the UN censure of Israel. Another was Vice President Joe Biden’s phone call pressuring Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko to vote for the censure.

“The revelation of official matters intended to remain confidential is precisely the same MO of the Russian hackers who tipped the recent US presidential election toward Moscow’s puppet—Donald Trump,” Obama contended. “This further provocation is an act so hostile that it qualifies as an act of war. Clearly, the retaliatory measures we have implemented thus far have been insufficient to deter our country’s greatest enemy.”

Konstantin Kosachev, head of the International Committee of the Russian Upper House of Parliament, called Obama’s actions “the agony of not only a lame duck, but of a political corpse.”

Meanwhile, Russian President Vladimir Putin’s refusal to retaliate in response to the Obama Administration’s expulsion of Russian diplomats was labeled “yet another diabolical and sinister effort to mislead the American public,” Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest charged. “Imitating a reasonable demeanor in order to make President Obama appear hysterical and unhinged is meant to drive a wedge between him the people who have loved and admired him during his term in office. It won’t work. Americans will rally behind their President just as Americans rallied behind FDR after Pearl Harbor.”

Earnest’s prediction seemed to be born out when Republican Sens. John McCain (Az) and Lindsey Graham (SC), demanded an even stronger retaliatory response toward Russia. “I didn’t spend seven years in a Communist POW camp in Vietnam only to sit idly and let the Soviet Union mock our President,” McCain blustered. Graham called for “an internationally enforced ‘no fly zone’ that would shoot down any Russian military aircraft operating outside the borders of their country.”

President-Elect Donald Trump’s attempt to assert a plea for everyone “to remain calm until adults are in charge after the inauguration,” was labeled “another example of his lack of fitness,” by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif). “At a time when patriots ought to be backing our President, Trump is showing he has more in common with our enemy.”

In related news, Alan Dershowitz, professor emeritus at Harvard Law School and two-time contributor to Obama’s successful election campaigns, denounced the Administration’s anti-Israel stance as “an appalling betrayal by a man I was twice duped into trusting.”

Categories: Israel, Israeli settlements, Obama and Israel, Obama and Russia, Obama and the UN, President Elect Trump, Satire, Trump and Israel, UN and Israel, UN Security Council
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Satire | Pentagon scraps Osprey program due to rising fuel costs

October 30, 2016

Pentagon scraps Osprey program due to rising fuel costs, Duffel Blog, October 30, 2016

osprey-1000x600Photo by Eve A. Baker

QUANTICO, Va. – With the massive cost overruns of the F-35 forcing the Department of Defense to look to save money in other areas, the military has decided to scrap the Osprey program across all services, Duffel Blog has learned.

“We have decided that the coolness of the F-35 far outweighs its cost and will support it until Lockheed Martin comes up with something even more overblown, so we have decided to terminate the osprey bird tethering program to conserve funds,” said Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter.

“Further, while ospreys are based on every continent but Antarctica and truly offer global reach, they were crapping all over the flightline, and the uppity pilots were demanding organic herring, which is astronomically expensive,” Carter added.

Given their ability to hover over the water and lack of need for maintenance or man-made housing, neither of which the Marine Corps could afford anyway, ospreys were particularly attractive to the Corps. The Corps decided that tethering hundreds of birds together to carry troops made as much sense as anything else it had done over the past 200 years.

“The Osprey program, code name Pandion haliaetus, was a huge success initially,” said Brig. Gen. Julian Alford, head of the Marine Corps Warfighting Lab. “Their talons had great grip, and they were far more aerodynamic than anything we could have developed. We were just beginning to explore their underwater diving ability when the program was scrapped.”

Widespread reports of fighting and feather plucking between the osprey, harrier, and falcon communities were largely ignored by the DoD in favor of retaining a program that it had already sunk billions of dollars into.

When asked to comment on the termination, one osprey replied, “Whatever, man. I was getting sick of carrying those fat losers around anyway. Plus, being tied to a couple hundred other dudes was cramping my style.”

As of press time, a working party was busy scrubbing osprey droppings off the roof and hood of Carter’s limousine.

 

Categories: Department of Defense, Osprey, Satire
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Satire | Early voting data shows World War I veterans overwhelmingly support Hillary Clinton

October 28, 2016

Early voting data shows World War I veterans overwhelmingly support Hillary Clinton, Duffel Blog, October 28, 2016

(Seems about right. They are all dead, the last one having died at the age of one hundred and five. Dead vets for Hillary! — DM)

deadlikehil

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With over seven million votes cast so far in the U.S. presidential election, early voting data is pointing to a tight race in most key battleground states.

But there is one battleground upon which the Donald Trump campaign appears to be headed towards utter defeat: The fight for votes from World War I veterans.

With at least 25,000 World War I veterans casting their votes thus far, the party affiliation breakdown of submitted ballots is suggesting a hard break towards the Clinton camp among veterans who fought in the Great War from 1914-1918, sources say.

Some 98 percent of ballots cast from the demographic have been from veterans who are registered Democrats.

“This is tremendous news for the Hillary Clinton campaign and for the Democratic Party,” said Donna Brazile, interim chairperson of the Democratic National Committee. “We knew that if we could get a strong turnout among the doughboy demographic, we could win this election.”

Other Democratic Party operatives have been coordinating a strong grassroots campaign to register veterans to vote and ensure their ballots are submitted ahead of voting deadlines.

“I’ve been knocking on doors, searching public records to track people down, all sorts of things to identify vets and ensure their ballots make it to a mailbox,” said Andrew Spieles, a college student at James Madison University who is associated with Young Virginia Democrats. “I’m proud to say that I’ve personally registered sixteen World War I vets to vote in the last two weeks, and all of them have indicated their intention to vote for Hillary Clinton.”

Democratic lawmakers expressed their satisfaction with the success of the grassroots operations.

“Winning elections is not about your message as much as it is about voter turnout, so I’m proud of our efforts to get these veterans registered and their votes submitted early,” said Christina ‘Tita’ Ayala, a Connecticut state Representative elected to office on the Democratic ticket. “Vote early and vote often, I always like to say.”

Unfortunately, all World War I veterans we tried to contact declined to comment on the record.

 

Categories: 2016 elections, Hillary Clinton and dead vets, Satire
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Satire?| Obama Ratifies Treaty on Sharia Law

September 4, 2016

Satire?| Obama Ratifies Treaty on Sharia Law, Dan Miller’s Blog, September 4, 2016

(The views expressed in this post are mine and do not necessarily reflect those of Warsclerotic or its other editors. — DM)

Having personally ratified the Iran Scam Treaty and the Climate Change Treaty with China, President Obama today met with Turkish, Saudi and Iranian heads of state to ratify a new treaty making Sharia Law binding in the United States. Please see also, The West Needs Sharia Law – Pakistani cleric. Obama, a renowned constitutional scholar, quickly rejected objections by Senate leaders that “He shouldn’t oughta do that because it’s our job” by reminding them that He is the President and is therefore empowered by the Constitution to do whatever pleases Him.

TOTUS Seal

Here is the text of President Obama’s statement on ratification of the Sharia Law Treaty, provided by The Incomparably Honorable I. M. Totus, Teleprompter of the United States:

My beloved Islamist colleagues, men, women and whatever: today, with great pleasure and a heart-felt desire for a better future for all, I today ratified a treaty with The Republic of Turkey, the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and the Islamic Republic of Iran making Sharia Law officially binding in America just as it is in those great progressive, humanitarian nations.

As United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon recently stated, the debate about the horrors of man-made climate change is over and the issue is settled. So be it with any debate over My success in preventng Iran from using nuclear weapons and, indeed, over My constitutional powers as your humble President. I have settled those matters as well, as all loyal Americans must agree.

Sharia Law will make America a far happier and better place for all including, most importantly, refugees coming to our shores in increasing numbers from other Islamist nations. I can think of no better way to welcome them than by guaranteeing them the dignity, honor and freedoms under Sharia Law they so richly and justly deserve.

For too long has America based its laws on flawed Judeo-Christian principles. But that’s not who we are; we have a long, honorable and mutually beneficial history with Islam and many if not most of our best citizens are Muslims. The treaty I ratified today will finally put us on the right side of history. It will also facilitate My brilliant countering violent extremism initiative by encouraging an honest discussion of Sharia law, long rejected by “America First” nationalists and other Islamophobes who despise Allah and His one true Religion of Peace.

I am confident that all loyal Americans will be happy to abide by our Sharia Laws; common sense steps will be taken to encourage all to do so. Observers from Turkey, Saudi Arabia and Iran will soon come to America to assist us in implementing whatever encouragements may be needed.

We should all thank the three other splendid freedom loving nations which also ratified the new treaty and encourage all other nations of the world to join us as soon as possible.

Thank you and have a pleasant day.

Hated by many Americans until now, The Islamic Republic of Iran has shown that it is a truly glorious example of Islamist democracy in action, where Sharia Law is enforced, followed and enjoyed by all.

hangings_in_iran

With Obama leading the way as always, we are joining them. Just look at the Iranians depicted in the following Iranian propaganda video! They are proud, happy, peaceful, patriotic and loving despite the shameful efforts of America in the past and, indeed, of some war-mongering Americans today, to humble and destroy them and their beloved nation.

No longer will that happen. The President has spoken! This will be the most beneficial and longest lasting of all of His many great leaps forward to make America a country of which He, His beautiful wife Michelle and all other good people can and will be truly proud.

It is anticipated that President Obama will soon issue an executive order changing the name of the country from The United States of America to The Islamist Republic of Obama. The flag of the new Islamist Republic of Obama will combine the best elements of the flags of the Islamic Republic of Iran, the Republic of Turkey and the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. A photo of Obama as the bringer of true Islamic peace and understanding will be superimposed over the other flag elements.

Obama:

Obama death to America

Iran:
Iranian flag

Turkey:
Flag_of_Turkey.svg

Saudi Arabia:
saudi flag

Oh well.

what me worry

Categories: Civilization jihad, Climate change, Hijrah, Iran scam, Islam and Christianity, Islam and honor, Islam and human rights, Islam in Saudi Arabia, Islamic immigration, Islamic refugees, Islamic supremacy, Islamists in America, Islamophobia, Obama and Islamists, Obama's America 2016, Political Islam, Right and wrong sides of history, Satire, Saudi Arabia, Sharia law, Turkey, U.S. Constitution, U.S. Senate, United Nations
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Satire | Shi’a death squads liberate Fallujah from Sunni death squads

June 22, 2016

Shi’a death squads liberate Fallujah from Sunni death squads, Duffel Blog, June 22, 2016

iraq-army-fallujah-1000x600Members of the Iraqi Army pass in review. (USMC photo.)

FALLUJAH, Iraq — Shi’a death squads have resumed patrols on the streets of Fallujah, “restor[ing] a sense of normalcy” to the beleaguered Iraqi city, residents say.

The Shi’a patrols follow the flight of Sunni death squads, religious police, and bootleg pornography vendors who had dominated the largely Sunni city since the Islamic State conquered it in 2014. The rapid departure of ISIS has paved the way for a welcome return to sectarian tension, corruption and graft.

Iraqi government forces announced new rules, heralding an end to the barbaric reign of ISIS.

“We are delighted to announce an end to the Sunni-on-Sunni rape that has so typified Daesh rule,” said Brig. Gen. Haider al-Obeidi of the Iraqi Federal Police/Iranian Revolutionary Guard. “From now on, brutal violence against women and children will be conducted under the rule of law.”

Fallujah’s embattled population expressed their gratitude at their liberation from slavery to second class citizenship.

“We’re just so grateful!” exclaimed repatriated resident Amira Albu Issa. “I thought we’d surely be killed for being Christian, but now, we only have to worry about being killed for going outside on Friday nights.”

Shopkeepers in Fallujah were equally overjoyed. “We will no longer pay ten percent zakat to the religious police, but only two percent for the protection racket instead! Allahu Akbar!”

Prime Minister Haider al-Badi also expressed his gratitude to the Iraqi Army, Popular Mobilization Units and militia that may or may not have been trained by Iran that backed them.

“Fallujah has returned to the embrace of the nation,” al-Badi said. “Now we must begin the rough task of providing security, rooting out heretics, punishing collaborators, and avenging Hassan.”

“We’re sending the very best personnel to aid in this undertaking.”

Prime Minister Al-Badi went to detail a security package featuring members of Asaib Ahl Haq, the Mahdi Army and the Iranian Qods Force, who would be taking point.

“I am excited to have this opportunity.” said Akram Abbas al Kabi, a former senior commander of Asaib Ahl Haq and current militia member. “We won’t let the Prime Minister or our country down.” Al-Kabi then called “dibs” on the first woman to “show some ankle.”

 

Categories: Death squads, Fallujah, Iraqi military, Islamic State, Satire
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Satire | Navy to Name New Destroyer The USS Alfred C. Sharpton

April 15, 2016

Navy to Name New Destroyer The USS Alfred C. Sharpton, Dan Miller’s Blog, April 14, 2016

(The views expressed in the body of this article are not necessarily mine, those of Warsclerotic or it’s other editors. — DM)

Thinker of the day

Inspired by the profound wisdom of Nancy Pelosi

Navy Secretary Ray Mabus stated this week that Navy ships no longer need be named after dead old White geezers with medals of honor or politicians who have helped the Navy. Naming them after politicians favored by our dear leader Obama is now Navy policy.

Sharpton may never have won a medal of honor, served in the U.S. Military or helped the Navy. However, he is a fighter for social justice and has destroyed lots of racist stuff. Once the Navy names a destroyer in his honor, he will have much more work to do. Ho, Ho, Ho Chi Min! White Power Gotta GO! Soon, under President Hillary Clinton, Admiral Sharpton will have an entire task force of destroyers with which to fight environmental and other racism. 

Navy Secretary Mabus is breaking new ground, and it’s high time somebody did. He recently stated that

an Arleigh Burke-class guided-missile destroyer will be named the USS Carl M. Levin. The Michigan Democrat served 31 years in the Senate and chaired the Senate Armed Services Committee from 2007 to 2015.

One congressional staffer noted that Mr. Levin presided over the committee during the Obama administration’s major drawdown of troops and weapons systems. Joint Chiefs of Staff officers testified in recent months that they doubt they can fight one major war on the schedule outlined in the National Military Strategy.

Gutting the racist and Islamophobic U.S. military is good! Devout members of “our” military love killing peaceful Muslims and other people of color at least as much as they enjoy breaking things. As our dear leader Obama has often emphasized, we must negotiate with poor and underprivileged people who try to kill us. We must help them to see how wonderful they already are and how we can help them to become happier and even more wonderful. Use of “our” military only makes them hate us and so is completely out of bounds.

Naming a destroyer after the Reverend Sharpton will promote social justice and put racists in their proper place — under his heel. He is good at destroying America’s racist culture and that includes preventing racist white people from appropriating America’s vast and beautiful Black culture. Here’s a stupid video by a vile White racist pig, Bill Whittle.

Whites have never developed any culture of their own beyond that of enslaving Black people. Despite their White privilege, they have no legal right to appropriate the rich and vibrant culture of Blacks, whom they despise and continue to enslave.

Navy Secretary Mabus is also aligned with own dear leader Obama in recognizing the need to prevent global warming global cooling Climate Change. Children and other adherents to the Religion of Peace won’t harm us; Climate Change will kill us.

The Navy will become the first branch of the military to require big vendors to report their greenhouse gas emissions and to outline what they are doing to lower them in response to global warming.

“We’ve got skin in this game,” Navy Secretary Ray Mabus told a technology conference on government and climate change on Tuesday, noting that the Navy’s fleet is the military’s largest user of fossil fuels.

. . . .

The U.S. military in recent years has called climate change a serious threat to national security. The Pentagon has said climate change is exacerbating everything from droughts to the rise of Islamic terror. [Emphasis added.]

The pentagon appears to have misspoken: there is no such thing as Islamic terror, because Islam is the religion of peace and tolerance. Perhaps the pentagon meant the terror we inflict on innocent Muslims.

The administration routinely repeats that position when discussing the challenge of global warming as the top threat the world faces. GOP presidential candidates often cite the stance to criticize President Obama’s policy priorities. [Emphasis added.]

Hillary Clinton is the only presidential candidate totally opposed to environmental racism. On April 13th, She promised Al Sharpton “a task force” to fight it.

[A]ir pollution from power plants, factories, and refineries contribute to disproportionately high rates of asthma for African-American children. Nearly half of all Latino children live in U.S. counties where smog levels exceed the Environmental Protection Agency’s health standards, the campaign says.

Minority communities will also be disproportionately affected by climate change.

“And the impacts of climate change, from more severe storms to longer heat waves to rising sea levels, will disproportionately affect low-income and minority communities, which suffer the worst losses during extreme weather and have the fewest resources to prepare,” the campaign memo states.

. . . .

If elected president, Clinton says she will establish an Environmental and Climate Justice Task Force on her first day in office. [Emphasis added.]

By giving Admiral Sharpton a massive task force, President Clinton will make him Her principal destroyer of environmental racism. As Queen Hillary’s Monarch of the Sea, Admiral Sharpton will rule the waves as well as did Queen Victoria’s own sea ruler!

Three cheers for our own dear leader Obama, His great Secretary of the Navy, our soon-to-be glorious Monarch of the Sea and our loving next president, Hillary Clinton!

The little children knew years ago and now, after almost eight years under Obama, we must all celebrate their profound wisdom, clarity of thought and maturity by giving dear leader Obama at least another eight years by electing Hillary as our beloved Queen! Long may She reign!

Editor’s note:

Oh well.

 

Categories: Climate change, Department of Defense, Foreign policy, Hillary Clinton, Islam - causes of terrorism, Islamic terrorism, Obama's America, Racism, Satire, Sharia law, U.S. 2016 elections, U.S. Military, U.S. Navy, U.S. politics
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Satire?| Snap Elections in Sweden Bring Islamic Jihad Party Government to Power

April 10, 2016

Snap Elections in Sweden Bring Islamic Jihad Party Government to Power, Diversity Chronicle, Ray Charleston, April 9, 2016

(It has to be either satire or a blast from the future. — DM)

muslims

Last week the world saw an exciting new development as Sweden was declared an Islamic nation under Sharia law. For those who may have missed the news, over the last several years more and more Muslim refugees have been peacefully migrating to Sweden in search of a better life. Last month Islamic Jihad Party leaders demanded snap elections, after polling indicated that a majority of Swedish Muslims favoured a new government based on Islamic law, and disapproved of Sweden’s former secular, and largely white government.

Islamophobic extremists and conservative reactionaries are predictably throwing an intolerant tantrum. They ask how Sweden can become an Islamic nation. Well, the answer is simple; most Swedes want Sweden to be Islamic. The decision was made democratically! The majority of Swedes are Muslims! The majority of Swedes are from the Middle East, and they want a government that represents them! If you believe in democracy and European values, you must accept that Sweden should be an Islamic state! Sweden isn’t a white nation anymore!

The fact that a majority of indigenous Swedes voted against the Islamic Jihad Party, and instead for the Sweden Democrats, a racist anti-immigrant party, is of no consequence. These bigoted white supremacists need to accept the fact that Europe can no longer be a homogeneous continent of whites. Europe is going into multi-cultural mode, and without this transformation, Europe cannot survive!

Bigots are using the fact that the Islamic Jihad party’s secretary is a distant in-law to a prominent Taliban figure, in order to try and smear the party as somehow radical or extremist. There is nothing radical or extremist about sharia law. Christians in Sweden complain about having to pay a special tax to the Islamic government, yet these people could simply convert to Islam and avoid the tax entirely! They have no real basis for claiming discrimination of any kind. Some right-wingers are even circulating the bogus rumour that Jews, Buddhists, Bahá’ís, and Hindus in Sweden have been murdered outright. The new government is certainly working through some bureaucratic kinks, but these claims are a total exaggeration! The government explains that some religious minorities have been taken into custody “in order to protect them.”

Progressives around the world are delighted to finally see a Swedish government that represents the people of Sweden. Sweden’s white neighbour, Finland, has already closed its borders with Sweden, and outlawed its own minor Islamic political parties, in a shocking move to stifle democracy! Several mosques have also be closed down because some of the imams and mosque directors supported “terrorism.” The Finnish government claims that advocating the violent overthrow of their white racist government is somehow criminal! Now that parties advocating sharia law have been banned, just what are Muslims in Finland supposed to do?

Armed thugs are also increasingly patrolling the streets of Finland, looking for innocent Muslims, or anyone with dark skin to beat up. These hooligans falsely claim that they are looking for criminals, and trying to protect women from harassment and rape. These racists falsely claim that somehow non-white immigrants commit rape at disproportionately higher rates! The world should not stand by while Finland persecutes its Muslim minority. Sweden is asking NATO to consider direct military action against Finland.

In a move that has received a lot of criticism, the newly enthroned Islamic Emir of Sweden is asking that the Swedish royal family release to him “All of their blonde Swedish virgin girls,” claiming that they belong to him “By right of Islamic law and by right of conquest.” In light of Sweden’s long history of discrimination and oppression of migrant peoples, the Emir’s demands seem fairly reasonable. If white Swedes and Christians will intermarry with Arab and Muslim Swedes, soon they can all become one people, and then race won’t matter anymore! No one will know what race anyone is! If everyone is the same race, logically there can be no more racism!

Swedish nationalists and racists complain that the new Swedish national flag excludes them. The new flag features two crossing AK 47 assault rifles with the Shahada above them, in green and gold. A small globe appears below the symbols. Some claim this refers to a desire to conquer the world for Islam, but according to party leaders it represents “The whole world living in peace together as brothers and sisters.” It is amazing how racists will try to deliberately misrepresent something so beautiful and enlightened!

According to Sweden’s General Khalid Ararat, “As Sweden is no longer a Christian nation, the former cross design flag made little sense. Perhaps if these racists and bigots would make some effort to assimilate into Sweden’s Islamic society they would find life easier. Some Swedish women defiantly refuse to wear hijab, which of course forces us to beat them. Then we are somehow portrayed as the bad guys. The media is really distorting the facts! If Swedes would only submit to Islamic law, we wouldn’t have to use these coercive measures.”

German Chancellor Angela Merkel has welcomed Sweden’s new Islamic government, declaring that “Centuries of Swedish racism are now being overcome as Sweden truly embraces diversity. Sweden’s new government will serve as a beacon of light, in a dark, boring, and drab white Europe. We must embrace our Muslim and Arab neighbours with open hearts. Perhaps someday soon, if Germans are fortunate, we can become a minority people in our own country. This will help to erase the ugly blight of Germany’s racist and anti-Semitic past.”

This much is clear. If white Swedes continue to defiantly cling to the past, Sweden is going to be left behind. We live in an increasingly interconnected world. Europe is changing and progressives embrace this change with open arms. We enjoy the many exciting new restaurants and hookah lounges opening up in Europe. Yet, sadly, some stubborn racists insist on clinging to the past. If whites are not willing to embrace change, it may be necessary for Muslims to mandate conversion by law, and to mandate intermarriage between whites and Muslims. White bigots, you brought this all on yourselves!

White people have created a racist, sexist, homophobic, and anti-Semitic Europe. History has shown that white people don’t deserve to have homelands of their own. White people enslaved Africans, murdered six million Jews, and they have stolen land from the native-Americans and murdered them. They kept women chained up as kitchen slaves, and then when they finally let them work they paid them less than men, for the same work! They kept homosexuals in the closet for hundreds of years and denied them the right to marry! It is certain that an Islamic Europe will be a better, more tolerant, more humane one. After all, Islam means peace.

Categories: Islamic jihad, Islamisation, Islamophobia, Racism, Satire
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